Confessions of a teacher, part 3: Bushido
26 January 2007 at 10:45 pm | In History | 38 CommentsTags: Human Nature
(In case you missed them: Part 1, Part 2)
This will be the last part of my first trilogy of Confessions of a teacher.
Somehow I’ve felt that my first two entries put out a genie in the bottle. Now, I’m putting that genie back. This entry will give the first two entries some closure, and allow me to talk about totally different things in my next installment of Confessions of a teacher.
I can dedicate this post to my brother, and to my ‘07 students. They are all graduating from high school this year and heading off to college in a few months. This post begins with my high school life and how I ended up in college.
And I want to thank Gian Dapul for leading me down this train of thought. This entry began as a reply to his comment, which made me think. So this post is also more serious and philosophical. Meet the side of me who sprang to life after I almost died.
Above all, this post is for all of you. If you have read both confessions, this entry will address a question that stares at us in the face. My answer should end these first three confessions nicely since I’ve never written about this until now:
If I wanted to end up as a teacher, why did I take up political science in the first place?
Simple: I didn’t want to end up as a teacher, but you know this already.
Simpler: I wanted to be a lawyer.
I was a first year high school student when I attended a class on law for an alternative class activity. I think it was called Klik! or Klaseng Ibang Klase. I may remember neither the speaker’s name nor the topic he talked about, but I vividly remember the excitement I got from realizing how cool law could be.
Looking back, I think he was a criminal lawyer. He talked about how to determine who commited a crime, and he introduced terms such as ’smoking gun’ and ‘beyond a shadow of a doubt’. Those were just too cool for a 13-year old to learn. So after that, some classmates and I dubbed ourselves private investigators.
Whenever reports of theft or vandalism would surface in school, we took it upon ourselves to investigate. However, we stopped when we were pulled aside as primary suspects in one ocassion. But my passion for law wasn’t diminished one bit. I wanted to become a lawyer so I could nail those who mistakenly accused me.
That experience in first year was what propelled me to apply for political science in all the universities I applied to. At 13 years old, my future was clear: I wanted to become a lawyer.
But I was just 13.
As I grew up, other priorities divided my time and dragged me away from law. I was busy making friends and hanging out with them. I was an active member of a catechism organization in school — because of those friends. Schoolwork got in the way a bit because it took up all my time. And there was this girl next door who took all my attention and breath away even though I hardly spent time with her.
Academically, I was actually more of a math and science guy. I had a difficult start in the early years, but absolutely loved geometry and trigonometry. I also had a special love for physics, since it applied a lot of geom and trig, but I didn’t like chemistry or biology much. And finally, I grew quite adept at computer science. I would always finish the program exercises ahead of everybody else and would often be the only one who could answer the bonus questions.
So what about social science and history? I hated social science and history! My teachers were boring and I hated memory work. I failed one test in Asian history and my teacher called me to ask why. I said, “I find the class boring. Sorry, sir.” Well, it was true. And his reply? “Ikaw kaya magturo?” (Why don’t you teach?) Well, I guess life is funny like that. He no longer teaches in my old high school though, so I never got to tell him, “You bastard.” He would’ve loved it.
But my true strengths showed elsewhere. In my later years, I took up several leadership roles in class, and worked my way up to being in the batch council. Those were great times. I still remember being forced to run for batch president after successfully organizing an outreach program and helping out in the prom. I was also a fierce debater and a compelling writer, according to my English teachers; I could make people listen. But I declined. I was afraid I wasn’t popular enough to win, which mattered a lot in my high school unfortunately.
That was a mistake, to be honest.
Yet looking back now and considering that I enjoy teaching in Pisay, I would have told my younger self to take up leadership in college and perhaps a minor in history and/or political science. That would still fit well given what I do these days.
But no. I took up political science as my major because when I graduated from high school at 17, I wanted to make good on a mission I began when I was 13. I wanted to become a lawyer, even though I knew very well that it was possible for me to be something else. But what can I say? I had my life planned out.
Somehow, I saw my skills in other fields as part of my tools in becoming a lawyer. I had my mind set on a goal and believed that my other abilities in math, language and leadership all contributed to my becoming a lawyer. Well, it’s true.
Yet a part of me felt uncomfortable. My ambition to become a lawyer was a pebble in my shoe. It bothered me, and made the walk more uncomfortable as I went along. It was just a matter of time before I would have to stop, take off my shoe, and rattle the pebble out. I felt that I was meant for something else and pretty soon I would find out exactly what.
Ironically, that happened while I was taking up political science.
I didn’t feel inspired by the subjects, to be honest. I was waiting for the same flame I had in first year high school to spark again, but it never happened. Something in me had changed and perhaps, I missed it. Part of this was because I distracted myself from my subjects. I dedicated my time and effort to the judo team I was part of. And on the side, my interest in computers even grew.
By the end of second year college, I contemplated a shift to MIS (Management Information Systems) but I didn’t push through. If I did, I would’ve taken two more years to graduate. I’ll pass, I said. I just wanted to get out of college! I felt that I was riding on a train that rode a bad track and I just wanted to get off as soon as I could. Thus, I decided to stick to political science so I could graduate as soon as possible.
It turned out to be a good decision.
The subjects got more interesting and the teachers became better. We were introduced to the notion of The Clash of Civilizations, and that started me on the intellectual path I am currently on. It spoke of an incoming conflict between the Muslim world and the West, and when 9/11 happened, I saw the validity of the ideas. I saw the power of political science, and a flame lit anew.
It was that moment which got me into social science and history. I wanted to know more, and pretty soon I immersed myself in Asian history, society and culture, as well as democratization and public policy. I was still a political science major, but was becoming something else at the same time. At that moment, a large piece of Sir Martin was born.
However, I was still far from meeting my destiny as a teacher. As you know already, graduation led me down a different path once more and it took a while before everything was put into place. I graduated March ‘04 and I wouldn’t meet Sir Martin until November. And to this day, I’m still discovering exactly who he is.
So what did this journey teach me?
I recall a Hindu belief: the path we choose is who we are. And there is a cliche that goes, “Life isn’t about where we’re going, but about how we get there.”
Finally there is my favorite. In The Last Samurai, Katsumoto asked Nathan Algren, “You believe a man can change his destiny?”
Algren replies, “I think a man does what he can until his destiny is revealed.”
In those words, I believe, I could summarize my life. I have learned that who you’re going to be is not something you can want like a gift for Christmas. Who you’re going to be is something you become based on the decisions you make in life. Who we are is revealed through our actions, and thus who we are is a product of all the actions we have taken in the past, both good and bad.
Of course, many things influence our decisions: our age, our mood, our knowledge, our experiences, our environment, and many others. But I liken this to a sailor navigating the seas. The sailor knows where he’s going but along the way he has to read the map, the currents, the wind, the stars, the sky. In the process he can be diverted, lost, stranded, or even injured. But as long as the sailor masters himself, his experiences and his knowledge, then he will make it to where he has to be.
And the journey itself makes him a better sailor. Whatever he lives through becomes a part of his life, and so he continues to travel. All he has to bring with him is a sense of where he has to go, and the right tools to get there.
We are all sailors.
My life has had its twists and turns, but I’ve always had a sense of where I wanted to go. And even if that sense changed from time to time, it was because the journey raised me. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was 13. I wanted to just get out of school and do whatever when I was 19. And I wanted to be a teacher when I was 21. Each event led to the other and eventually, my destiny revealed itself.
But does that happen just like that? That we live life and wait for things to happen?
Absolutely not. Because when you wait for things to happen then nothing ever happens. I call that giving up. Quitting. Letting go of the sails. Surrendering to the wind.
And that, above all, is one thing I never did. I endured through those years because I endured. I pushed on. There were tough times and there were impossible times.
When I felt like quitting political science, I pushed harder. When I got rejected multiple times and in different ways after graduating, I stepped back, hardened myself and pushed even harder. When I got tired of the call center life, I made it a goal to leave and make my own future.
However, I also learned that we can’t just rely on ourselves. A sailor relies on the stars, the wind and the currents. And he didn’t put them there.
Each step of my journey was accompanied by people who cared for me. When my girlfriend left me, my best friends were there. When I felt bad after all the rejections, my parents kept their support for any decision I made. And even at that moment when I thought I was going to drown, I was saved.
Sure, Alfred was at the right place at the right time, but so was a god who believed in second chances. I may know the history of God and all the world’s religions but I still believe. The fact that I’m still alive is the reason why I continue to. And there’s also that call I received from Sir Job during a critical moment of my life. I look back now and see how that moment was set up, but the fact that it arrived when it did can only be an act of God.
And this is why I am here.
Perhaps, this is why I teach and this is why I write to you now. I reach out to all of you in your own journeys, the often wondering, the sometimes lost, and the often frustrated. I am here to tell you that you’re not alone — you are never alone — so carry on and never give up.
If I can have only one success in all that I have written, I will be happily satisfied if I have convinced you that things always get better. No matter how far gone you believe you are, it’s never over. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be hearing from me now, and what a waste that would have been of me.
These are my confessions.
THE END
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it’s the perfect way to end it…
for now!
please oh! please! make the sequel… then in the mere future- we compile it all…. then in the future- a palanca… then in the not-so-distant-future- a pulitzer prize. It may not be in your intentions, but your entries, have inspired a lot of us, to remember what blogging is all about- writing from your heart and showing it to your world. And we all can see your heart and it’s beauty in these short entries. Congratulations, and may you always remember to offer these to the Guy above. (am+dg)
-Robert de Angelo Achacoso Bolinas a.k.a ‘RD’
Comment by red-orange lights — 26 January 2007 #
Thank you very much, RD. I’ll definitely write more soon, but for now I’d like these entries to run their course. This is what blogging, to me, is all about.
Comment by Sir Martin — 27 January 2007 #
Heheh. I have to admit it feels really strange that I say to myself how much i don’t know anymore. I’ve met martin, marts, superman martz, biker martz, frustrated guitarist martz, tekken master martz, wrestler martz, judokai martz and insane lovefool martz but i have to admit i am most impressed and envious of Sir Martin. heheh! It seems pathetic that at a past time this was one of two guys who were so obsessed with sourcasm and all the BS of life when there was SO MUCH MORE going on that was being pushed in the background. So glad to see you’ve finally found- no- carved out your niche. To all the young prodigies under Sir Martin’s wing, make the most out of your time with this great dude. The things you learn from him and with him are limitless.
Comment by Sixstringseraph — 27 January 2007 #
Sir…. gawa ka na ng libro!
You are such a good writer… and your stories (as you tell them) have always been interesting. 
Comment by Kamae — 27 January 2007 #
haay.. buti na lang wala ako magawa at nabasa ko toh.. iniisip ko kc dati ano ba tong ‘confessions’ na toh? tapos.. waw tatlo na!! cge nga mabasa.. at aun.. waw!! galing!
nga pala sir.. thank you nga pla for saving us from the boring soc sci class namin.. buti na lang dumating kayo! haha.. at buti na lang mga masayahing bata ang rosal07 at natuwa kami sa inyo.. haha.. pero salamat rin at napakagaling nyo.. at naging part kayo ng pisay life namin.. at ung game na pinalaro nyo sa amin.. ung may shogun.. peasants.. daimyo.. etc.. astig un!!! haha.. un ang pinakahindi ko makakalimutan na class activity!! sobrang exciting un nung nilaro namin e.. rpg kasi (pero madaya ung shogun ang nagdedecide.. malas di ako nakabunot ng shogun.. XD) at uso ang ragna nun..
salamat ng marami sir!!
you drove us to the road that will lead us home..
haha literal yan!! pinasakay kami ni sir sa kotse nya palabas ng pisay.. kahit hanggang q.ave… hahaha
pero sir seriously… napakalaking tulong nyo sa amin.. at nitong confessions thing na toh.. to the path that will take us to who we really are.. lalo na ngayong graduating na kami.. inspiring sobra tong mga stories nyo.. sana ipagpatuloy nyo lang ang mga ginagawa nyo.. gud luk po sa life at sa career.. haha salamat!!
Comment by mp — 27 January 2007 #
I enjoyed reading the trilogy.
It had a little bit of everything not only to make it a good read but also to be a whole lot of inspiration to the reader – from drama to comedy, from highs to lows, and from someone in the midst of confusion to someone who has had some enlightenment.
Most importantly, it contained honesty.
—
Hoping the next chapters of your life are as good, if not even better.
Comment by badz — 27 January 2007 #
i can’t laugh anymore. seryoso na. nyahehe.
tawa aside, hooray. nobela much po?! haha. pero “kapana-panabik” ang confessions. 
go sir. hahaha.
Comment by your laughter! — 27 January 2007 #
Boj, my bro. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. It has been quite a journey for both of us, and it has led us to truly different places. I know we’ve been too busy writing our own stories, but I am confident that however yours goes, it all ends up in one grand finale. The years have given me that confidence in you.
It goes without saying that you helped me endure through a lot. If not, you helped me endure most of all. We’ve been through everything and nothing, and I would give you a lot of credit for who Sir Martin came to be.
Rock on, man. I wish you all the best.
Comment by Sir Martin — 27 January 2007 #
Kamae, thanks once again. The beautiful thing about blogging is that we don’t have to write books. These things write themselves. Stay tuned. You have always been one of my most appreciated readers!
Comment by Sir Martin — 27 January 2007 #
Michael, maraming salamat din. Good luck at congrats sa grad, at pagbutihin sa lahat. Keep me updated on the choices you make in the future!
Comment by Sir Martin — 27 January 2007 #
Badz, thank you very much. These were the most honest pieces I have ever written and I couldn’t be prouder. I’m rarely proud of what I write.
Come to think of it, I haven’t written about my PC days and so that will be a beat I explore in the future. That too, has contributed a lot to who Sir Martin is. A lot.
Regards to you and I wish you all the best. Cheers!
Comment by Sir Martin — 27 January 2007 #
My laughter, thanks for reading. I really appreciate it. Keep smiling.
Comment by Sir Martin — 27 January 2007 #
waw. Grabe na to Sir. Yeah, I agree on what Ate Kame said. Sumulat ka na ng book!
Comment by KyLa o8 — 27 January 2007 #
oops. I mean Ate Kamae.
Comment by KyLa o8 — 27 January 2007 #
Haha. Thanks, Kyla! Yeah, think of my blog as an online book. It’s free and comes with the most up to date content!
Comment by Sir Martin — 27 January 2007 #
Thanks… I’m wishing you all the best as well
Oh, and I’ll be looking forward to the post/s about the PC days…
Comment by badz — 27 January 2007 #
… whoa. it’s the last installment? NUUUUUU!!! *sob*
i really enjoyed reading these confessions. thanks for trusting us enough to show us this hidden part of your life. judging from the comments you’ve received on this confessions trilogy, you caused a lot of people to think and feel better about themselves. i myself am part of the “lot of people.”
seriously. now i want to pursue my childhood dream of being a teacher. sir joey was right when he said being a teacher is a monumental job, because a teacher influences about two million lives in a single lifetime. i know for sure you’ve influenced more than two million people, and not just in the philippines. *coughCALLCENTER!cough*
hehehe. thanks for everything! ingatz po!
– anna
p.s. ever thought on writing a book on this? or any other topic? with all honesty, i am sure that it will be a success.
Comment by anna — 28 January 2007 #
Thanks for the awesome words, Anna. This blog is as far as I go in writing a book for now. It’s much more practical I think, and I don’t have to feel the pressure of finding an agent and getting this published. The internet has made self-publication possible and wonderful. As long as I have people like you reading, that is all I could really ask for.
Comment by Sir Martin — 28 January 2007 #
Yes, you could really make people listen. I envy your writing and speaking skills.
*and so God did smite the Flying Chicken for his corporal sin*
*smiting = God’s fancy word for “kicking ass” *
Comment by flyingchicken — 28 January 2007 #
Thanks, Brandon. Continue learning and you will surpass me. I can see it.
Comment by Sir Martin — 28 January 2007 #
Hi Sir..
You know what SIr, I also look forward to such an exciting journey of my life in the future.. just like what you had, Sir, and what you’re still having right now. Hehe. Siguro, I’m still in the stage of knowing what I really want to be..
Anyway Sir, your trilogy just inspired us more. It will surely help us in our own journey. Siguro sa future, we’ll look back on this post tapos we’ll realize that everything you said is true.. Hehe.
Comment by Janella — 28 January 2007 #
Thank you, Janella. I’m really happy whenever I see how far you guys have gone. You have already begun your journeys and you haven’t even realized it yet. Take care. You always have my guidance.
Comment by Sir Martin — 28 January 2007 #
Hi Sir!!! Napadaan lang ako sa blog mo… hehe… tagal narin tayong hindi nag-uusap ’bout many things…*wink* Grabe sir… kahit kailan talaga walang kupas ang galing ninyo sa writing and inspiring… Until now hindi ko parin nakakalimutan yung mga conversations natin…hehe… Thanks sa lahat ng na-tulong niyo Sir sakin… You are truly one of the best people na naging inspirasyon ko para mag -strive for more…thanks talaga sir… dahil sayo sobrang maraming na-open sa aking utak…I hope na maging teacher ka namin sa econ pag 4th year na kami…hehe… Now I wonder what my life journey will be like pag laki ko…Galing niyo talaga sir…:)
Comment by Jeph (Jacob) Dahlia '08 — 28 January 2007 #
Jeph! Miss na kita ah! Thanks for the kind words. Knowing that you want to strive for more makes me happy enough. Aim for the stars, Jeph! I always believed in you.
Comment by Sir Martin — 28 January 2007 #
I’ve actually read Confessions days back, but I was too shy to comment but uhm. Yeah. After reading Part 2 I realized what a transformation you really must have gone through. I could never have envisioned a cynical, or as they say, “emo” Sir Martin.
I don’t usually say these things, but with all honesty, that was pretty inspiring. Sir, you are one of the few teachers I can actually listen to and take seriously. (Ok that sounds horrible, but that’s true ;__; If you get what I mean, anyway.)
(Yup, I’m actually a lurker here, I just never comment and stuff.
)
Comment by rarr-kun — 28 January 2007 #
Sir! Woah! Thank you for enlightening us…somehow.
Kaso lang…naguguluhan pa rin ako kung anong gusto ko sa buhay ngayon…ang hirap mag-isip ng course for college and to think that this year na yung mga entrance exams sa universities…
I don’t want kasi na magsisi sa huli kung mali ang napasukan ko, di ba? Hindi naman kasi lahat…parang katulad nyo yung experience…hay…
Hehe…I’m a bit melancholic lately…haha…sorry….
Pero I really wish you all the best, Sir Martz…kahit na hindi na kayo “Sir Martz”…ganung image pa rin tatatak sa akin for life!
Comment by EDA (Ilang-ilang 08) — 28 January 2007 #
Sarah, thanks for the kind words. I couldn’t believe the transformation myself because I still I’m basically the same guy, only a little wiser and perhaps a little more numb. (Hey, I like how that sounds.) I’ve always been proud of you, you know. And I can see that you will blaze your own trail very soon.
See you around. (Or maybe I won’t.) Now that explains all those clicks…
Comment by Sir Martin — 28 January 2007 #
Eda, don’t pressure yourself much. Regret is part of learning, although of course it is always better if we avoid that so no time is wasted. But often, that is part of learning.
Think of it this way: whatever course you get into, you’ll be able to work it out. If you don’t like the course, then shift — that is still ‘working it out’. Regret, I could also say, is a state of mind. Just continue pushing forward and there will be no mistakes in life — only opportunities to learn and become even better.
You’re right. Not everyone will have an experience like mine because quite frankly, we all walk different paths. But there are truths constant in all our experiences, and I hope I was able to shed some light on that here.
And you will always be Eda to me.
Well, that is your name.
Comment by Sir Martin — 28 January 2007 #
“no matter how far gone you believe you are, it’s never over.”
“the path we choose is who we are.”
“life isn’t about where we’re going, but about how we get there.”
“you are never alone — so carry on and never give up.”
why do you have to be so wise, sir? WHYYYY?
~~
sir, if you dont mind, ask ko lang.. why did you go to *the* ateneo? [for college?] why not up or la salle? [maybe yer answer could help me choose the 'right' uni..]
Comment by yung 07 — 1 February 2007 #
It depends on your course. What do you plan ba?
Comment by Sir Martin — 1 February 2007 #
A nicely written ending, I agree. Made me think for a moment why you didn’t take up a writing-related course. Makes me wanna think about finally publishing my own version of your confessions that’s been rotting in my wordpress drafts for some time now.
Comment by Prab — 5 February 2007 #
Thanks for the nice words, Prab. For some reason, entering a writing-related course was never an option — although at one point I did consider journalism which is different still.
I look forward to your own ‘confessions’. Thanks for reading!
Comment by Sir Martin — 5 February 2007 #
I wonder what’ll happen if your bosses find out where your blog is (if they haven’t yet). Do you think they might offer you the chance to teach English too?
Side notes: Earlier, I felt the urge to call you ‘Sir,’ lol. But that’s gonna be weird, knowing that we’re almost the same age. Do you mind if I linked you up, btw?
Comment by Prab — 5 February 2007 #
Haha. My bosses more or less know my writing capability. I’m a regular contributor to the school paper. But even if I write well, the social sciences is my element. My writing is just one of the tools that helps me.
And please, feel free to link me up. I’ve linked you already.
Comment by Sir Martin — 5 February 2007 #
That was very inspiring and enlightening, especially at this point in my life. I don’t know what college to go to, I don’t know what course to take, and I am still uncertain of the career I want to pursue. For the first time, I’m not sure of the things I want anymore! Including my academic performance in school…
I kept mapping out these plans and forging these perfect paths for me to follow to keep me on the right track. I did these so that I won’t have any regrets in the future, but I actually ended up having more regrets. I missed out on a lot of great opportunities and experiences trying to follow a planned path.
Comment by Arcie — 7 February 2007 #
Arcie, I’ve clearly been in your shoes and I can attest that it will work out eventually. Just remain open and make the right choices. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
As I would say, “It’s alright to get lost every now and then, but you would be stupid to miss all the signs.”
Comment by Sir Martin — 7 February 2007 #
[...] can’t believe I wrote this. If I can have only one success in all that I have written, I will be happily satisfied if I have [...]
Pingback by Way of the Warrior « Eternity Beacons — 1 October 2007 #
Youre story inspires me. the only relation we might have is you being a pisay teacher, and me a student. i never knew you until i read your blog. it is heartwarming to note that the real pisay teachers exist in these times where pisay is already flooding with teachers who are “unpisay” the ordinary, no color, no twist, simply a teacher – one who teach, and evaluates the end. The way i see you, you twist and turn to be a teacher of the modern world, just as a pisay teacher should be, inovative and cunning. As a speaker once said, literacy is not merely being able to read and write it is a continuing experience of learning and unlearning. I believe you are literate. Kudos!
Comment by budz — 12 October 2007 #