The Lesson Plan

The loss of my 3rd generation iPod Nano early in the school year made it clear: I can survive without my phone but not without my iPod.

I’ve been an afficionado of alternative rock for exactly ten years now. It was 1998 when “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls hit the airwaves and captured my attention. Since then, alternative rock has played a major role in how I deal with and express my emotions. I don’t seem to have outgrown the genre — not that I have to — and instead it grew with me. This post shows what I mean.

The following twelve songs highlight the highs and lows of the past year. Each had its day in my iPod and together, they form one of my best playlists ever. They are arranged in chronological order (meaning the order they dominated my lists) and hence this will give you a very good mental map into me. I am providing one to one and a half minute samples right in this post so have a good listen. Enjoy!

1. “The Past” by Sevendust

I began 2008 in a rather emotionally sore spot. My last relationship just ended and I wanted to have nothing else to do with it — or so I convinced myself. This song is a plea for my past to just leave me alone. Please. Because I can’t leave it alone. Tough times. But this song is just one half of a duo though.

2. “By The Way” by Theory of a Dead Man

This is the second half. Songs 1 and 2 were always played after each other. This one is angry. It’s out for blood. And more desperate. When reason fails and the past gets too burdensome, I collapse and just surrender to this song. I realize that’s it’s perfectly fine to get angry — as long as we’re man enough to own up to the consequences of the crazy things we do.

3. “When I’m Gone” by Simple Plan

I fell in love with this song while walking the streets of Singapore alone and looking at all the people moving around listlessly. It wasn’t the farthest I could go, but it will do. That time was the end of the line for me. Things got so tough and so unsure that I couldn’t think of anything else than leaving everything behind. Will you miss me when I’m gone? At that time, I felt that all that stood between me and moving on was an acceptance letter.

4. “Shattered” by O.A.R.

When I learned that I won’t be making the move to Singapore, I was shattered beyond belief. I did my best to remain in one piece at that time but I think it damaged me more than I was ready to admit. This song helped me pick up the pieces. I knew that in order to move on, I had to weave my break up and my rejection into one story; it was the only way for me to take control of my life again and write my own ending.

5. “Stop and Stare” by OneRepublic

Moving on isn’t easy. As I forced myself to move forward, I realized that I wasn’t going anywhere. I was moving aimlessly. I was lost. And I needed time to just stop and stare. I needed to give up, stop fighting against what I felt, and just deal with everything. It was tough but I needed to pull myself through.

6. “Second Chance” by Shinedown

Things started looking up for me when I started taking tennis lessons. It was a concrete, tangible effort to regain control of my life again. I needed to will myself to do something and tennis proved to be a really worthwhile endeavor. And throughout those times, this song blared in my iPod. It did so for a long, long time.

7. “Not Meant to Be” by Theory of a Deadman

There is moving on in theory, and there is that moment when it actually happens. This song captured the moment when it happened. As I gained fuller control of my life, things became clearer. I became more hopeful. I’ve come to accept that there are some things just not meant to be, and so those shouldn’t make us lose sight of the things that we can make happen.

8. “Watch Over You” by Alter Bridge

It’s what we do that defines us. The path we choose is who we are. As the school year began, there emerged a clever harmony in moving on from my past and embracing the present to the fullest. My job as a teacher and adviser helped me focus on the things where I can make a positive difference in the world. This song reached its peak during Humanities Week when there was just so much to do and whenever I felt lost in the work, I just think of those who drive me forward each day — my students.

9. “Angels on the Moon” by Thriving Ivory

There are times that despite being at peace with what we do, we wish to do something else. We wish to be somewhere else. This song captures my silent longing for that vague something else. For quite some time, I couldn’t put my finger on it. All I knew is that there was something missing. This song helped me deal with that feeling as a feeling so that it doesn’t distract me much from the work I have to do.

10. “Before the Worst” by The Script

Every now and then, my mind would flashback. There are friends I miss and choices which could have gone differently. But this song is not an appeal to go back to those times. It is a reminder of what I could lose if I am not careful and repeat old mistakes. All our moments now may be another prelude to a new worst moment down the line and hence I keep watchful for what I may be missing.

11. “Crack the Shutters” by Snow Patrol

This song is on reserve for that moment when I finally meet the person who will sweep me off my feet. I haven’t forgotten about that quest, even though it isn’t high on my list of priorities right now. But it’s comforting to know that this song is here, just in case.

12. “You Found Me” by The Fray

I couldn’t think of a better song to end the year. Everything comes full circle now. This song is about the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’ve come to that point. Nobody knows what 2009 will bring, but I have come out of 2008 surer and more confident of myself. May that be enough for me to weather everything that may come next. I have found me.

I hope you saw something for yourself in this list. Let’s keep the music playing.